refraining myself from..

yes. i at least try to refrain myself from spazzing so much in RL because nobody else shares the same interest with me. but thank you anyway. for missing that side of me. xP

here's something unusual: a 'Tag' game i am sentented to do - enforced by Michele and her Blogspot...

Rules
: For those who have been tagged, you are required to write a story
about one of your crushes, be it a current or a previous crush. To be
exactly different from the common tags, there are no questions imposed
this time. All you have to do is to write a story about him/her. Also,
5 people will need to be tagged at the end of the post. You must post
up these rules before you start writing.

Person who tagged me : Michele. This is gonna be long. I warned you.

I have a very very sad love life. Sadder than Mich. I had so many crushes but I never dared make a move. But then in Uni, I decided to 'stalk' my current crush(es). Lol. I sent them anonymous emails and smses. And I got rejected. Well duh. That does sound creepy, right? So after that I reverted back to my look-from-afar habit. Until...

Just right before my final year, my psychic radar picked up a signal sent by a coursemate of mine. It wasn't direct contact actually. I just... felt -know- how he watches me. You know right how you become self-conscious when people look at you? But I didn't pay any attention to him. Haha. I'm a bit arrogant in that sense. Sorry! For a couple of months, I gauged how he acted around me. Basically he was afraid to talk to me cos I am NEVER anywhere without any of my friends beside me. And I was also scared to reply his interest, because of my previous Rejections.

I contemplated and contemplated until the very last day before semester & internship break: I braved up by sending him a friendly message thru Friendster. And we contacted each other via Y!M. He's very nice and is a funny guy too. (I like men who UNDERSTANDS my humour however twisted it may come out of my mouth) Almost every female in my lecture group knows him.

During those chat sessions, he admitted that he likes me. Since we had never spoken face-to-face before, I wanted us to be friends beforehand. After our internship/courtship ended and returning to campus, we didn't really... hit it off immediately. Yeah, we talked and such. But he seemed so awkward with me. There were no fireworks, no lightning between us. NO DATES!! It was totally different from the chats we had. In fact, for months I waited for another sign from him. And I was getting tired of him being so slow!

Almost when I nearly threw in the towel at the end of my final year, he gave me a teddy bear and a HUGE bar of chocolate. Sigh. I was content and it kept me going until the end of our course. I don't think I gave him anything in return ^^;; But then after graduation, I... I ran away and ignored his messages. I got scared when I started thinking about our future. And he never did call anyway. Not once during the whole time. So I thought his feelings weren't real. Or that he lost that feeling when he got to know my true self. But our parting was caused by my own stupidity.

I was afraid to ask myself: Is this really Love or just an Infatuation? So it just ended like that without saying a word and I didn't give him a chance. And he didn't in the least show his anger. He just.. accepted. Due to my low-self esteem and foolish pride, I forced him to let go.

I'm a very choosy person right? I guess I'm punished to not find that special person yet. Anyway, honestly... who is gonna continue this huh? No one reads my blog anyway. Tch. I'll just force random people to write. xD nyahaha. I'll skip Hyung cos I know Farah will ask her. Next 5 persons I shall tag:

1. Fhizah. Pls tell me more about him.
2. JunE. heehee.. cos i want to know you better ;)
3. Juhjuh. another random victim!
4. Karat. you didn't see this coming rite? heheh. i love your writings~
5. JerRy LJ.