Welcoming 2011

Happy New Year. Wishing you a blessed year ahead :)

Me? I foresee a poor me trying to handle FOUR fandoms at once in 2011 T___T

As you may very well know now (especially via Twitter) the 2PM-verse has taken over me. Shinhwa-verse is back with a vengeance, thanks to Dongwan and Eric's future activities. Luna Sea-verse is SERIOUSLY back with an even bigger vengeance. Aaaand KinKi is enjoying their happy marriage as if they've just got back from their 2nd (3rd? 4th?) honeymoon [read this for fun: 1st Jan Birthday concert report]

♥

All that equals to Pokainess. Huhuh.

So in a bid (to attempt) to be mature, I will spend some time to start up resolutions for 2011 because honestly... Did I even have a list for 2010?? If I did then nothing came out from that. Hahahahahahaaaaiiih.

1. Save money - Refrain from splurging on meals. Less Zanmai, Tei and Ichiba.
2. Save money - Reduce caffeine intake. Less Starbucks. Huhuhu.
3. Save money - Stop shopping for unnecessary clothes.
4. Lose weight + save money - No more lunching out. Unless compulsory.
5. Be happier. I hope my luck gets better...
6. Handle stress better. Sigh.
7. Save hair - Goodness, hair loss!
8. Find a new job? Huwaaaah~
9. Kemas sty bilik

Yeaaaa. Money is a big issue. I hope I have enough for Seoul. And Yamapi. And ***.

Others will be added once I can think up of more. I know there's a backlog of this and that at the back of my mind somewhere. *digs digs* Soon. SOON.

Happiness doesn't seem like an issue now. I just need to reshift the balance of fandoms coz it looks like (ARF: What a hypocrite!) Kpop is back in my life. Also, I'm not sure how KinKi will be this year since their mood swings go from North to East to West to South (yes, a pun :D) but so far so good. One main focus is my job lor. Haih.

Ramadhan Sudah Tiba

Why didn't I realise sooner that I don't need to download Tobo Bengoshi via MU because it's torrentable at D-Addicts. Aiyoh could've saved time lehh.

Anyhoo~ Selamat berpuasa kepada semua. Heheh, actually in just 5 mins it would be 'Selamat berbuka,' ne?

Am going to skip terawih again tonight. My excuse is that there's a meeting tomorrow morning and I need to prepare for it. :x <-- kena panah petir karang. InsyaAllah, esok aku pegi. Huu.

Ugh! Banyak Sampah

The funny thing about keeping diaries is that you'd forget all about their existence and embarassing content. Not until 6 years later when you're clearing out unnecessary sentimental memorabilia from your room. You rediscover the stupid little things you wish you hadn't done and spoken. From this excavation project, you may come to realise that now you're just an echo - an empty shell - of what you thought your life would be like.

There are brief flashes of regret which come and go. But it doesn't ache to have lost the chance. 

Life goes on. I make my own chances.

Fandom Meme

Was reading random meme posts at LJ and decided to tweak it a bit for fun.

Pick three of your Jpop, Kpop and Visual Kei group of your choice (no solo artistes pls coz the quiz would be pointless then) and answer the following questions:

1. The first member I fell in love with:


2. The member I never expected to love as much as I do now:


3. The member everyone else loves that I don't:


4. The member I love that everyone else hates:


5. The member I used to love but don't any longer:


6. The member I would shag anytime:


7. The member I'd want as a BFF:


8. The member I'd slap:


9. A pairing that I love:


10. A pairing that I despise:


11. Favorite member:


12. My favourite members from most liked to least liked:


13. Which member am I most like:


14. Which member I would most want to be like:


15. My deep dark fandom secret:

---

[ KinKi Kids ]

1. The first member I fell in love with:
Koichi.
2. The member I never expected to love as much as I do now:
Tsuyo.
3. The member everyone else loves that I don't:
Love them both.
4. The member I love that everyone else hates:
Same as above.
5. The member I used to love but don't any longer:
Still love them.
6. The member I would shag anytime:
Koichi!
7. The member I'd want as a BFF:
That's easy. Tsuyoshi.
8. The member I'd slap:
Koichi, for flirting with underaged girls on Domoto Kyodai and for being undernourished.
9. A pairing that I love:
KoTsu (where Kochan is the guy) compared to TsuKo.
10. A pairing that I despise:
Not really related but KoichiXFukada.
11. Favorite member:
Koichi.
12. My favourite members from most liked to least liked:
Koichi, Tsuyoshi.
13. Which member am I most like:
Koichi?
14. Which member I would most want to be like:
Tsuyoshi, for his acting skills.
15. My deep dark fandom secret:
As much as I want to believe how well the chemistry is between them, their real feelings and thought towards each other is still a big mystery. Gossips and rumours about their love-hate relationship might be true after all so I tend to shove those negative aspects away from my perception of their 'love'.

[ Shinhwa ]

1. The first member I fell in love with:
Dongwan. Initially it was Eric, for being incredibly romantic on SBS Love Letter.
2. The member I never expected to love as much as I do now:
Minwoo. Honestly, I hated his guts back then.
3. The member everyone else loves that I don't:
I like them all.
4. The member I love that everyone else hates:
Andy?
5. The member I used to love but don't any longer:
Junjin because he's... too insecure.
6. The member I would shag anytime:
Dongwan.
7. The member I'd want as a BFF:
Minwoo since it looks like he takes care of his female friends.
8. The member I'd slap:
Andy, for letting Solbi walk all over him.
9. A pairing that I love:
RicDy. Sneaky brothers.
10. A pairing that I despise:
Used to be MinWan when I thought Minwoo was a jerk.
11. Favorite member:
Dongwan.
12. My favourite members from most liked to least liked:
Dongwan, Andy, Eric, Hyesung, Minwoo, Junjin.
13. Which member am I most like:
Shy like Andy...?
14. Which member I would most want to be like:
Dongwan, I guess. Able to travel to Japan a lot and good at taking pictures.
15. My deep dark fandom secret:
I still don't remember their birthdates. Some kind of fan I am, huh?

[ LUNA SEA ]

1. The first member I fell in love with:
Sugizo. I almost always fall for lead guitarists ^^;;
2. The member I never expected to love as much as I do now:
Ryuichi. I really hated him when he first switched his singing to a sorta Jpop-ish style.
3. The member everyone else loves that I don't:
I told you, I'll always find a way to accept everyone in the group.
4. The member I love that everyone else hates:
Who could really hate these 5 talented dudes, I ask you?
5. The member I used to love but don't any longer:
Shinya coz he's so fat now. LOL just kidding.
6. The member I would shag anytime:
Sugizo, duh.
7. The member I'd want as a BFF:
Inoran, coz he's cuddly and sweet.
8. The member I'd slap:
Ryuichi for being one of the richest men in Tokyo and for causing the band multiple breakups.
9. A pairing that I love:
Used to be InoranXJ. It is now InoranXRyuichi.
10. A pairing that I despise:
RyuichiXSugizo. Sugi's mine!
11. Favorite member:
Uh duh again.
12. My favourite members from most liked to least liked:
Sugizo, Inoran, J, Ryuichi, Shinya.
13. Which member am I most like:
Shinya because we love food and we like to laugh.
14. Which member I would most want to be like:
Inoran for his calmness.
15. My deep dark fandom secret:
I honestly initially DESPISED Luna Sea without any reason at all when I haven't actually heard their songs before that. It was due to my childish belief that L'Arc~en~Ciel is the best band like in the whole wide world. pffft. Yes, I was only 15 and I was stupid.

Warped

"..living as a captive of destiny or not is something each person decides for oneself, so I think there is no one right answer...

..supposing that I accepted ah, this is my fate, it would probably be a little boring since I won't feel any drive. Then I wouldn't be able to grow, I wouldn't be able to be visited by good encounters either. There really isn't any meaning to things like that. So, I think that living a life where I believe in myself and am not influenced or bewildered by other people's words is fine..."

Article: "Destiny", Domoto Tsuyoshi (Wink Up 2009)

Credit: mangenhougo @ LJ

Of course, one has to be a real narcissist like Tsuyo to continue on living with a strong believe in just your own self while disregarding other elements.

What he says is true, some of it at least.

Choosing which Fate or Destiny that I'd want to believe in sounds like a good advice for others, but let's just say I'm not strong enough.

No Internet at Home T_T

Modem got struck by lightning last night T___T A lot of KK new appearances to download. Subbed Hey!3 with KAT-TUN is almost coming out too. Sigh. How long will I have to wait lah?

Am at the office btw, stealing time to read LJ. Tsuyo proves yet again why KK's Only fans are idiots. Stop hating them and start feeling the love, baby, feel the love!

Lol at Farah and Mish. Nyeh... I don't think I'm like this because of JE. I jsut rarely show that side of me to everybody else. It's more like I don't normally tune into that spazzy side of me, don't I? This sometimes get triggered by certainpeople: most notably Sugizo, Yara and at times Dongwan.

Oh! Oh! The new heroine for Endless Shock is Sato Megumi (what a shock!) who acted as that bitchy Sakurako in HanaDan. GRRR. She gets to work with Ko-chan and Yaracchi!!

AND WHATTHE.. MOTHER OF ALL SHOCKS! Tohoshinki will be guesting on Domoto Kyodai in March?! WTF?! I just hope to God that those fans of theirs don't suddenly go liking or hating KK.

Malnourished. Dying, dying.

I've hit a dead end with Kpop. This glass wall has been blocking my way and it's been going on for months now... Most probably had been built right after Shinhwa's concert. I could try to smash my way through or find hidden latches or steps to climb over this hulk of a blockage.

But when I look across to the other side beyond the glass, the sparkle seems to have dimmed.

I can see it. I can hear it. Yet the warmth doesn't pull at me anymore. No longer beckoning.

I turn around and there stands the encompassing mass of J-ent. Within an arm's reach from where I'm standing from.

Can I just please take a breather? It's very tiring to keep up with the younger generation from that tumultous side - mainly the shining light of neo-Kpop, Big Bang, Wonder Girls, Super Junior and so forth. Funny how I don't even tingle when I speak their names.

I'll. Just. Sit down right here by the edge of the precipice with the semi-cold wall at my back - There, right there. Aah.

Once there's that glimmer of hope again, someday, perhaps I shall rise back up and rejoin you.

Slow Baby Steps

What a slow start for the new year... The long holidays sure drag your mood along, ne? Asyik tiduuuuur je. Eat, sleep, Internet. Oh my gawd, my life is so 'exciting' =__=

All I'm looking forward to in January is MUCC's new single. Sheesh. Wth is happening to the Jrock world?? So friggin boring.

First day of work in 2009 pun as if takde challenge. Not like I'd want to be challenged anyway. Huhu.

LAZY BUM!

Let Me Rephrase That...

Yeah twinnie, you had me thinking about my most repeatable Shinhwa song. I kinda felt guilty and tak puas hati for not having an absolute answer to it. However, setting out my mind by naming only one or two or more songs as my utmost forever-listenable-song and conforming to that fact would make me call myself a liar.

Hmm. Probable explanations to this would be that I can't think of any at that time. Or I couldn't remember the titles. Or I like too many to come up with a few without thinking rationally. Perhaps...

My best reason? I guess I've always been the sort of girl whom regularly flits from one artiste to the next too easily. My music is always in-the-moment, at-that-exact-moment and constant-listening-right-at-that-moment. I'll have a certain album/song/artiste that I'd like and I'd bury myself deep by frequently listening to only that obsession.

But when something else catches my fancy, then I'd as easily jump onto a different obsession. And maybe, maaaybe, all the songs that I like would be exchanged with another.

It takes a couple of reminiscing to finally get back into a certain moment. That's why you hear me say things like "I haven't been listening to them for a long time" which would then lead to "I feel like listening to them again" or "I feel like listening to their whole discography ALL OVER AGAIN!"

I'm really not kidding when I say I haven't been listening to any certain band for a LONG time. Coz I'd have been busy-ing myself with something other than Shinhwa... or Luna Sea. Or any other bands that I say I'm in love with. Har har.

Yet no matter what, these two bands affect me pretty differently from any other favourites. They'd still be the ones who can time-warp me back to that exact same moment when I first giddily heard their songs. ;)

A healthy dose of...

A healthy dose of vacation - that's what I'm badly in need of. As soon as my workload's been shuffled to juniors so I can get a bit off my shoulders (hopefully).

Been daydreaming of Europe for quite a few months. Although I should, honest to God, be saving up for Seoul instead of Paris or Vienna or Roma or Nice or London! Am nowhere near 3/4 of money for that trip. Guh.

I guess anywhere near and cheap(er) would suffice for now?
a. Singapore - sight-seeing since no time was spared during 2006 visit,
b. Jakarta - again, mostly sight-seeing and throw in a lil bit of shopping,
c. Bandung - the weather! cool temperature may help to shop wiser :P,
d. Kuching - just because I've not gone to Borneo before,
e. a train ride to Bangkok - if that's even possible,
f. Bangkok - last choice actually coz of the abundance of stray dogs >_

We're All In The Same Boat

Jess, Michele, Kak Bailah, Fel, Nwar and Tasha pointed out during Jzune's birthday party last night of how short a time since we met and then eventually becoming this close group of friends: give or take 2 years. Wow. It felt like we've known each other for far longer...

Jzune kinda opened my eyes yesterday when I saw how she was among her college friends. She was slightly different than how I've viewed her and apparently when she's around our group of 'Kpop friends' all this while. *sheepish smile*

It isn't exactly my first time encountering my friends' friends but I still feel awkward to find a mutual level of comfort with their friends. Although, this happens rather infrequently. Because naturally, to avoid misunderstandings and conflict of interests, you don't go around matching up a clique of close friends with another clique of close friends.

Do you? No? Somehow it's as if I'm hording vital information from all my friends by 'categorising' myself into separate molds whenever I switch between these different sides. At times I just prefer to be by myself than having to split my life and personality, in order not to favor too much to one group (so that the other group doesn't feel betrayed). Does this make me selfish?

By the way, please tell me that there is someone out there who is also annoyed that his/her Friendster login page now automatically loads in Bahasa Melayu. wtf.

Cascade

If only I could blame the kopi ais I had for lunch as the reason of my fucked up life.

Coffee kills my braincells, leaves me mentally imbalanced and physiologically burnt out. It sometimes causes me to become emotionally unstable (albeit agitated) where I could either turn hyper or spiral downwards into surliness.

I was already a tad moody because most of my work was still not settled. Then the bloody stuff wasn't doing what I wanted it to do (GRRR!!). I know it was obvious how it looked like I was ignoring him, eventhough I couldn't really process my thoughts properly when I'm an emotional wreck. Of course, I'm always skittish around him. But...

When it happened, I couldn't fathom his reaction much less his feelings to what I did. I just somehow felt how my callousness severed the invisible thread between us. That was when my system totally crashed down. Could barely think rationally after that.

Yeah, this is probably one of those rare days when I feel very bad for being a stuck-up bitch. But even so... Why do I care? Why? Why do you affect me so? How did you manage to get under my skin that quick?

Slowing down

Sorry I haven't been updating much in here or FB. I seriously don't know how I lived my life lately until I felt too tired after work to even open my PC. Gosh, not even the idea of downloading Dongwannie's performances could rouse me to escape from the bout of laziness that hits me in the evenings.

Right after the trip to Kedah for my cousin's wedding last weekend, I've been so so malas to go online. Stress combined with an urge to finish the book I've been procrastinating (and i'm in the final few chapters now *whew*) would probably extend until a few weeks more. Mian.

Of course, I can still make time for eat outs with my loved ones ^^

Ranting Overkill

First of all, I'd like to thank my friends who've been really supportive and caring. Thank you to you, you and you. You know who you are ;D

Wilting away

"Heart of a Kpopper, soul of a Jrocker." - I never thought I'd reach such a bleak point in my life.

My Heart is wilting. Unsustained. Uncared for.

The fire's almost snuffing out. I stare at it, motionless, my mind clutching at the memories; Resilient to never forget the warmth that used to encase the jaded heart. Yet never stoking it. Not once do I stoke the dying flame. Finding no will to salvage it.

A sense of dread befalls me as the fire flickers out.

I try to stop my restless Soul from leaving the lifeless shard of my broken self. Empathy assailing Its cruel judgment to flee.

What's left of it? Gathering the ashes into my cupping hands, a small thought niggles into my head: I am not alone. I still have them.

A cure? No. Not a cure. A balm to sooth the burnt edges. The only balm that can redeem my acceptance of Kpop.

They have and always will be my heroes.

Jaya Sect 14 to be demolished?!

Read! The Star Metro, 05 January 2008.

I am surely one extremely ignorant Petaling Jaya citizen to only just realise that my good old hangout joint will soon be a pile of rubble. I practically grew up living in that mall (literally).

Jaya Supermarket happens to be the first shopping complex in PJ (goly!) and was THE place where my father would drag our family to for grocery shopping (back when Cold Storage was still affordable), toy hunting (remember Kathy's Toys? Gosh, that was my haven!), book hunting (my love of books was nurtured there) and then Daddy would spend hours in the music store listening to oldies. During my teens a lot of shops had changed. Of course, by then Jaya was pretty much cursed with ever-changing tenants. Except for Cold Storage (well, duh), the watch shop and the DIY shop which were covered in the news article.

Lemme see.. There was this quaint CD shop when I was 16 where I bought my first Luna Sea album after saving up my pocket money (the cashier was gaping at all the coins and RM1 notes). There used to be The House of Chicken Rice with yummier nasi ayam than Chicken Rice Shop's.. And what about Delifrance? Secret Recipe? Oh, and Famous Amos Cookies which I'd stare at longingly as a little girl.

Boy oh boy, those were the days.

It's said that the replacing slab of concrete will be housing a cineplex. Ooh.. GSC? TGV? Sounds too good to be true. Haha.. Maybe Lotus Pyramid Saimira. What a sure fire way to make the blasted traffic jam there even worse.

gaining through losing

In one zodiac (Chinese and Western) reading I did, it said that chances and opportunities lay abundant in 2007 and decisions -life changing decisions- had to be made for a better future. And I'm happy that I took up those challenges! *pats own back*

Well. 2007 has passed. And what a year it was.

----

The Good
1. Work: Yep. I finally got rid of all my insecurities by getting myself a job.
2. Family: 16ppl in a big loving family. It really grew with the addition of my stepmom with her 3 children (+1 bro-in-law, +1 future-sis-in-law) and my sister's fourth child The Bad
1. Health: Gained so much weight ever since I started work T_T. More stress, more tired and I can see grey hair... >_The Ugly
1. Friendship: (a) Lembu = The Devil Incarnate. The catalyst of all ruined trust.
(b) Lipas = Never trust someone so completely until you're blinded.

----

Yes, I've gained a lot through losing half of my former life. But I raised myself up from that slum. And I sure as hell won't feel bad for the things I had to do to get to my goals.

Carpe Diem, people. Let's usher in the new year with lots of love and hope.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

wtf?! gah!

i'm so friggin' pissed off. i'm SO blardy pissed off at the world right now. and i don't even know why. dagnammit! why..? Why? WHY?!

5. i'm 24 years-old and my status is still Single,
4. are you familiar with the term 'Blardy Pokai'? (no? well, get used to it),
3. my life feels so inadequate (i mean wtf am i supposed to do with my life, man?),
2. i feel so blardy unappreciated,

fuck this man! i feel so insecure these days. and the damn thing that really ticks me off is this:

1. i lost all my Photoshop brushes and textures in last weekend's reformat!!! shit lah shit lah.. i totally forgot to backup my CS materials. now i'm so malas to go find them all over again.

tuber-licious

another food entry! why? because i'm damn hungry, that's why :P or maybe the coffee's gotten to my braincells.

look! a new category-tag! puahahhahahahahaha

guess what i can smell right now?... mashed potato!

pergh. i want the mashed potato from Marche. or from Chilli's. but no moneyh. HOW.

i can't stop sniffing it in. i even had to mentally scold myself to stop make the sniffing sound/act too obvious. nyaaaa. either that or someone's eating something soupy in the pantry (hey it rhymes .-.) which kinda reminds me off the radish soup at HUKM. i miss that great tasting soup!

maybe i'm crazy, but i've always believed that i have an acute sense of smell. but it only applies to food. hahaha. ei really lah, i can identify the smell of food from far ok. i'm sure you've noticed how i almost always suddenly wring out comments that i can smell something cookin' eventho i'm kilometres away from any sight of makanan. it's a miracle! :DD

today is also the last day for Kak Su, hyung's colleague/bestfriend at Oracle. so many people passed by her cubicle (just across mine) saying sayonara and ranting about her weird boss.

eep. me ish also going to leave next Thursday, so siapa lagi yang nak mengunjungi hyung's desk? Y-Y

chomp chomp

another half an hour before i leave for class, but i just felt i should blog this.

+ the dashing Perak Crown Prince is no longer a bachelor *hears numerous weeping in the distance*.. Congratulations to the newly married royal couple: Raja Nazrin and Zara Salim Davidson. they truly suit each other. i can't wait to see their prettyful children ^_^. Perak royalties, imo, are the most humblest and handsomest (or prettiest) royal family left in Malaysia.

+ i found out from Mak that my grandfather, Tok, left 6 unclaimed lands in Perak (god knows where they could be). you see, Tok left a loooooooot of tanah pusaka for his children and for years and years, my Dad's been taking care (being the filial son that he is) of these lands including tax payments, dividing them between his siblings and whatnots. so imagine the suddenness of having more lands to settle. meaning, he'd have to go to the Land Offices in Taiping all over again to prepare the documents and blablabla from scratch.. larat ke orang tua ni? aiyaa.

+ last night i devoured 1 periuk of kerang rebus with relish. nyehehe. swim, my little shellfishes, swim in my tummy